Comments on: Love is Terrible

By: Tessie

Tessie — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 06:19:41 +0000

thanks Darin for your response.
Yes I can see what you mean in your post – some children get lured away by a pedophile because he may give them what they are not getting at home – time and affection.

By: Darin Hufford

Darin Hufford — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 17:44:06 +0000

Ta**ie, it sounds to me like you have a terrible love for your children.

I understand about having a hard time with the second child. I went through that as well. For me it was difficult because I didn’t think there was any love left inside of me by the time the second one came along. It took me awhile to get started because I didn’t know what to do with myself.

Many mothers go through exactly what you went through. It sound like more of a medical thing that happens from time to time. It doesn’t sound like that was something you decided to do because you were unloving. The very fact that you described that time in your life as being like a black tunnel is proof that you have a terrible love. That time was not a natural time for you. You felt bad because you are normally a terrible lover. YOU HAVE THIS. I would be more concerned if you didn’t really care about that time in your life.

I think every parent second guesses themselves. I know I do. I can’t count the number of nights that I’ve lied in bed going over and over what a bad parent I was that day. The terribleness is in the fact that I do care about whether or not I’m doing a good job. You seem too care as well.

Darin

By: Darin Hufford

Darin Hufford — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 17:36:07 +0000

Jenny I think you took that last comment to mean something that I never intended. First off, schizophrenia is hereditary. It is pa**ed down through family lines. I don’t see it as having anything to do with things like depression, bi-polar disorder or obsessive compulsive disorder. Some mental illnesses are in the genes and others are developed through life. Please don’t take that comment at the end of the article to have anything to do with your children. That is the FURTHEST thing from my mind. I work with many people who suffer from schizophrenia. It is not something you can counsel a person out of and it’s also not something that could have been avoided by having a better family life or upbringing.

My heart broke when I read your post because I know you love your children. KNOW for sure that my comment in no way applied to you or your situation.

Blessings

Darin

By: Tessie

Tessie — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 11:14:38 +0000

Been reading your posts with relish Darin, but I find this one a little hard to swallow in some ways. Maybe I feel guilty reading it.
Sometimes new mothers struggle to feel love for their new baby. I felt this with my second one for a while and it was the most difficult thing I’ve gone through – like being in a black tunnel. Adding guilt to that is no answer.

I remember the “terrible” fear I had when my kids were very young of them being hurt in any way. They are now teens and I still am surpised at my inner-lioness coming out when someone is horrible to them.

Yet at the same time I think in some ways I am quite lax, and let them go quite a bit, but I want to be able to trust them to God’s care and not be some sort of over-protective worry wart mother who cannot let go of her babies. the effect of that is not good either.

In some ways I feel I lack the “terrible” love you speak of, but can’t conjure it up and make it happen just by will.
This post has disturbed me a bit.

By: Jenny

Jenny — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 09:19:23 +0000

I was enjoying your site – I thought you might be different. I have two sons with schizophrenia and there I find the same complete failure to understand mental illness that is common to the institutuionalised Church. I loved my sons – terribly. I refuse to buy into the guilt trip that my dear brothers and sisters would condemn me to every day. (A recent development however, helped along, no brought about, by a dawning deep realisation of God’s love and goodness and the understanding we live in a fallen world where sickness and sorrow (including mental illness) exist). You can ask for prayer and share with others and get support for cancer or an accident or some such but mental illness just leaves you very alone with your God…